10: Bring him across, then give him a one-way ticket to "The Land of the Midnight Sun."

9: Tell him that cyanide-eaters make better spammers.

8: UUE-encode him, then post him to alt.torture and alt.flame.

7: Ever wonder how Natalie makes sure her scalpels are sharp enough?

6: Get Screed drunk on curare, then tell him the spammer is just a new breed of rat. This will get rats pissed off at you for the insult, but, hey, Screed can feed on them, too.

5: Do "The Lady and the Tiger" with him, only, use a second tiger instead of a lady. Like he'll know the difference.

4: One word: Divia.

3: Con the spammer into sending his chain letter to LaCroix.

2: Tell Janette that the spammer forced Nick to bring her back across.

And the number one way to kill a spammer:

1: Slowly. Brutally. With a smile on your lips and a song in your heart.

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Last modified: April 10, 2006