Forever Spam

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[ ] Clueless Newbie [ ] Lamebrain [ ] Semiliterate
[ ] Garlic Lover [ ] Carouche [ ] Illiterate
[ ] Spammer [ ] Nerd [ ] Subliterate
[ ] Pyscho of the Week [ ] Con artist [ ] Bigot
[ ] Religious nut-cluster [ ] Crackpot [ ] Dimwit
[ ] Pseudo-intellectual [ ] Bore [ ] Slacker
[ ] Cross-poster [ ] Cross-wielder [ ] Cross-dresser

I am posting this form flame because

[ ] I don't have the time or energy to do a Forever Spam.
[ ] You aren't worth the time and energy to do a Forever Spam.
[ ] I'm in a bad mood and you annoyed me.
[ ] Screw explanations!

You Are Being Flamed Because:

[ ] You assume everyone on this newsgroup is as stupid as you are.
[ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply.
[ ] You started/continued an off-topic thread.
[ ] You begged
    [ ] for money.
    [ ] not to be flamed.
    [ ] for help with your homework.
    [ ] for sex, like we were your girlfriend/boyfriend/favorite sheep.
[ ] You came to this NG knowing it is about vampires, and then acted surprised to find that we actually discuss vampires.
[ ] You don't know if vampires are real or imaginary, and you expect us to give you a straight answer.
[ ] You insult everyone in the group, and then expect to be treated with respect.
[ ] You talk as though you're right and everyone else is wrong, when it's the other way around.
[ ] You tried to turn this newsgroup into a forum for your lunatic opinions on politics/religion/sex/reality.
[ ] You come across like a two-year-old having a tantrum.
[ ] You tried to sell us some overpriced garbage you wouldn't use yourself.
[ ] You posted less than twenty-four hours after your lobotomy.
[ ] You used a fake e-mail address.
[ ] You used a stupid fake e-mail address.
[ ] You're so stupid you faked an e-mail address on AOL.
[ ] You're so stupid you didn't even try to fake your e-mail address.
[ ] Your sig/alias/server bites dead gophers.
[ ] You posted a pyramid/Ponzi scheme and claimed it was legal.
[ ] You posted in ALL STUPID CAPITALS because you thought more people would read your spam that way.
[ ] You directed use to your home page, which has all the charm and wit of the grafitti on the wall of an Albanian latrine.
[ ] Your post has such atrocious spelling and grammar that nobody can tell what language you posted in, much less what you're blathering about.
[ ] You have a sig file longer than your post.

Your Penance Requires You To:

[ ] What penance, burn in hell forever you damned spammer.
[ ] Tell Divia she's been a very naughty little girl.
[ ] Tell Schanke that his partner sucks.
[ ] Walk into the Raven and shout "Hey! Why don't any of you hosers show up in a mirror?"
[ ] Let Screed and Nick do a taste-comparison test--rat blood, cow blood, your blood, human blood.
[ ] Tell an enforcer that he needs a better dental plan.
[ ] Have Nick bring you across, then go work on your tan.
[ ] Get grabby on a blind date with Janette.
[ ] Make fun of Urs' singing.
[ ] Accuse Miklos of watering the drinks.
[ ] Permanently occupy that coffin in the Raven's basement.
[ ] Serve as Natalie's cadaver *du jour* when she teaches the Autopsy 101 class.
[ ] Tell Janette she's getting a little long in the tooth.
[ ] Get stuck in one of *Screed's* flashbacks.
[ ] Drop dead and stay dead for the next century.
[ ] Borrow Natalie's microscope and find your brain.
[ ] Annoy LaCroix.
[ ] Anwah LaCroix.
[ ] Find Vachon, and simply *insist* that he gets a makeover.
[ ] Hammer a stake into your heart, and don't post again until somebody pulls it out.
[ ] Bonus agony: Volunteer to let Duncan MacLeod practice his swordplay on you--but only if the sword has an edge as dull as your wit.

In Closing, I'd Like to Say:

[ ] Welcome to reality. Now go home.
[ ] Go bite yourself.
[ ] You rate somewhere between skin cancer and scurvy.
[ ] Schedule yourself an appointment with Dr. Kevorkian.
[ ] Take your post, roll it into a sharp-ended tube and give yourself a sigmoidoscopy.
[ ] Don't post again until your IQ climbs to at least two figures.  
[ ] Stop moving your lips while you read this.
[ ] Becoming a carouche would be a step up for you.
[ ] Go make an immediate, personal investigation of the life-after-death question.
[ ] Explain why your parents call one another *and* your grandparents "cousin."
[ ] Turn yourself into a member of the Vienna Boys' Choir.
[ ] Learn to post in a coherent form of a known language.
[ ] Get a new account, 'cause I just narked on you to your server and they're shutting you down.
[ ] Thanks to your chain letter I know where you live, and
    [ ] you were so stupid that you didn't think that I might be the one psycho on this  newsgroup who really thinks he's a vampire.
    [ ] you were so stupid that you didn't think that I might be the one psycho on this newsgroup who really *is* a vampire.

 

  Flames

BURN IN HELL, VILE SPAMMER! VA AU DIABLE!

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Last modified: April 10, 2006